


Reflections

by anakinzobi



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, One Shot, Post-Endgame, Quote: Another broken white boy for me to fix (Marvel), Short, Short One Shot, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:55:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27229204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anakinzobi/pseuds/anakinzobi
Summary: Bucky can't sleep.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers
Kudos: 18





	Reflections

It was all over, but Bucky still couldn’t sleep. 

The war was won, but Steve wasn’t there. 

He was free, but he still wasn’t home. 

Bucky turned in bed to see Alpine napping peacefully on the windowsill. Sam had insisted that he got a friend, since Bucky refused to stay with him. He refused to stay with anyone who wasn’t Steve. 

After all this time, you would think that they would finally have it, their happily ever after. But no. Steve had his happy ending, he got the life, the time, and the girl. Bucky got an empty apartment. Murderers don’t get happy endings. 

His face felt like cement as he stared at the ceiling. Forcing himself to move, Bucky lumbered out of bed and to the bathroom sink. He threw cold water on to his face and stared at the dripping sculpture in the mirror. 

Bucky hated his reflection. He hated his hair. He hated his scars. He hated anything that reminded him of the Steve or the Winter Soldier, and that was pretty much everything on him. 

He leaned over the sink gripping the sides tightly while staring at the awful image in the mirror. _You weren’t good enough_ , It says to him. He grips the sides. Tighter and stiffens his jaw, reassuring himself. It taunts him, _If he really cared he would be here, and not with her._

No, Bucky told himself. This was Steve’s life, he could make his own decisions. Besides Steve was with him- _till the end of the line? Then. Where. Is. He. Now._ The sink cracked as porcelain pieces fell to the floor unbeknownst to Bucky. 

“He cares”, Bucky told the reflection, “he loves me.”

_Does he?_

“Yes!”

_Are you really sure?_

“YES!”

_THEN WHERE IS HE? IF HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH, WHERE THE FUCK IS HE? HE’S WITH HER. NOT. WITH. YOU._

Bucky yelled in rage as he flung his vibranium hand into the glass, going right through the medicine cabinet. 

In the shattered pieces of glass he saw his reflection again, growling angrily, long hair dangling down into his face- into the Winter Soldier’s face. You can’t even help yourself. Why would he want to pick up after you instead of having a real life. _Soldat._

Bucky’s eyes widened. He ripped through the cabinet, grabbing the first sharp thing that he could find, scissors. And for one fleeting moment Bucky contemplated what exactly he was going to do with them. 

He looked down at the grinning reflection. It spoke again, _Soldat._

Before his brain could even understand what he was doing, Bucky was wildly flailing at his hair, desperately trying to rip it out with his other hand as he struggled, anything to get it off of him. 

He flung the scissors down, they rattled with a clang in the sink. He looked into a shard, he saw himself, looking as if he got attacked by a wild animal. He fell to the floor with a thud, tears and broken, retched sobs tearing through his throat. He heard Alpine meow at the door as he scampered inside, curling up next to the super soldier. He’d never be who Steve needed. He’d never be her.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever post on Ao3! Even though it's just a one shot I'm cooking up some longer Star Wars stuff for the future, so stick around if you're into that.


End file.
